Reflections

The importance and joy of being alone


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Words do not come out unless they are completely honest.
Writing is not the same, it becomes dull and nothing important is ever said if it is not written from the heart.
Well, now, there are several things I want to talk about. Let’s see, first, I’ll talk about being alone.
I remember when I was in high school. Every time we finished an exam we could go

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outside and do whatever we wanted for an hour while the other kids finished the exam. I remember so much the feeling of anxiety I had for finishing the examing early and being forced to go out alone. I felt anxious because once outside, I had to see where my group of friends was to feel normal. I only felt at ease when I found them. Pathetic now that I remember. There were so many more other kids and girls I could’ve hanged with but the fear of not-belonging surpassed everything.
Why did I look so desperately for my friends in high school? Fear of not belonging? belonging to what exactly?
I guess it is a fear deep embedded in us. We crave acceptance. That might have been useful back when we were in the plains of Africa and needed to belong to not be cast out and eaten by a crocodile. It must be, but, is it useful now?
So, acceptance. This gives rise to a problem, a problem of freedom. I was not free back then. I was not free of my fear of rejection, and now that I think about it, I think I’m not that free now that I’m older.
How do you feel when you are alone, not in your house, but in a party? Or any social situation? A bit anxious? Good luck that we have phones right? That way we can pretend we are doing something “important”.
God, It’s good to know this type of things, isn’t it? At least now we are aware of the problem of freedom we have.
So, rejection. What is so bad about it?

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I think is not the rejection itself, but our fear of it.
The worst thing that can happen in our lives is not doing what we know we want to do. A life dictated by people other than ourselves is not a life worth living.
The answer now is pretty obvious, fear of rejection must be abolished, so the only cure is to get rejected more often to see that nothing really bad happens, really, no fucks were given.
This is the way to regain freedom and take the first step of self-reliance.
Once this essential step is taken a new beginning in our lives emerges.
What happens when others people opinion stops affecting us?
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Well, our authentic self shows up, and that is a beautiful moment. Think about it, interactions are no longer molded to fix an imagined self that we create just so that we can be accepted. That anxiety dissolves. The anxiety is there for the fear of being discovered as what we really are, humans.
There is nothing better for other human beings than being able to be a human being. To be normal, to let the other persons be normal around you.
This is the joy of being alone. Being alone and happy is a matter of self-reliance and maturity, think about it. Why are we always looking for something on our phone? Why do we want to be so hard with people we already know and maybe we don’t even like instead of meeting new people? or just standing alone enjoying the music?
I believe the answer is that we don’t really want our lives, or at least we don’t really want to lead our lives and reclaim what is rightfully ours.
We want people in the internet to tell us what is cool, we want our friends to approve us, we want approval from everyone but ourselves. That is simply disgusting and inauthentic. You must set your standards.
To be free we need to accept that not everybody is going to like us and be fine with that. To be free is to be able to stand alone and shine like the sun. To be free we need to give approval, not seek it.
We need to be free from judgment and rejection, that’s the only way to be free and authentic and happy. That’s the only way to be happy being alone.

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Reflections, Stoic advice, Uncategorized

Freedom


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Then how can I free myself ?  you ask. You cannot escape necessities, but you can overcome them.” Seneca

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Freedom, such a beatiful and grandious word.

Freedom is our highest value and yet, we are not and don’t want to be free at all.

Free form what?

Freedom from care is what I would like to argue. Bear with me, as I organize my ideas.

We all live in our subjective realities. Meanings differ like songs differ from one another. Freedom can be seen in many contexts, depending on the man and on his level of wisdom and understanding.

A vile man would argue that freedom is the satisfaction of every desire, even petty ones. Every food craving, sexual or anything that the body requires to satisfy a hole that can never be really filled. There is no freedom in craving. Pursuing cravings and physical desire uninhibitedly just makes us slaves to those very desires, and so freedom is not achieved.

If freedom is not to be found there, then where do we have to look?

What is freedom anyway? I’d define it as a state, a state in which the individual or the thing itself is not attached to anything outside that mandates a determinate action.

What are those things “outside” of ourselves that mandate action?

We could argue that it can be a tyrant, the state, our families, our cravings, just about everything.

What is truly ours? in ultimate instance?

Victor Frankl, psychiatrist and jew survivor of the holocaust, writes beautifully in his book Man’s search for meaning:

victor franklEverything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

There, deep inside ourselves, lies the last of human freedoms, the capacity to choose our attitude towards fate, only once we have made this choice can we start acting as individuals and speak loudly to fate where it is that we want to go.

In life, there comes a time to make a decision. I’d say it’s the ultimate decision of a human being. That decision is how we are going to look at the world, as an oppressor, or as a friend. How are we going to live, voluntarily or forcefully?

There, in that question freedom takes its true and last meaning, we are free to make that choice and that choice is the most important choice we will ever make.

Albert Einstein backs this.

“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”― Albert Einstein

Let me explain.

When we do things forcefully, we don’t enjoy them, we don’t put our light into what we are doing and so we act from darkness. We are not making a choice by living this way, someone is making the choice for us. This is not freedom.

When we choose to act, to grab any challenge that life gives us, we are acting from ourselves, our light is on and we can see things that we couldn’t see in darkness. This is freedom, the choice to act voluntarily and willingly.

This is the ultimate freedom.

Hope you all make the choice to live freedom this very moment.

Best of luck friends or better, inner wisdom.

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