Psychology, Short mornings

Individuality and saying NO

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Living within society means living within a set of rules called culture. We have family Witan_hexateuchrules, government rules and  relationship rules. This are collective or personal, think about all the ways your family and your relationships are different but similar to other people. All rules create our understanding of culture. They are extremely subtle but nevertheless they are there and we follow them daily. The problem with these rules is that some help us and some definitely do not. When we are not conscious of them, our individuality is restrained.

What does it mean to be an individual?

I believe we all know deep down o what individuality is. Everytime we feel like our own, everytime we reject stuff in our lives that we don’t really care nor wifh for, the feeling of individuality springs and the joy of being our own emerges. Everytime we have the courage to say no to something internal or external.

This collection of rules is called culture. They are  set by people across time that believed that doing something in a certain kind of way would be convenient for what they were trying to do. It’s good to greet each other or say good morning, it makes our relationships better.

Culture is everywhere and it permeates every corner of human society.

We may think that we are individual acting independently but most of the time we are just doing what people before us thought was good.

Culture is good, culture is great, it gives us a road, it provides us with answers that 3.-Ciseri_L-Esule.jpgpeople before us had to figure out for themselves. The problem of culture arises when we don’t realize that culture is just a supposition of how things should be done . Nothing “should” be how it is but most of the times we fall in the trap that we “need” to do or act in certain ways because “that’s just how it is”.

It’s important to know that culture is constantly changing. We can see it with Rosa Parks  sitting at the front of the bus being a black woman, changing what could and could not be done forever. Culture is manufactured by us, by human beings.

Everyone is searching for happiness, we look for it as best as we can. Every “culture rule” we follow we do it because we think it will benefit us. The problem is that when we don’t know that the rules of the game are not set and static but can be effectively changed and molded.

Individuality and independence is the power to be a culture creator. An individual must know what culture is: a useful social contract on how to behave that can be accepted or not accepted and therefore recreated. This is why an individual has to learn to say no. Saying no, often, is not easy. We feel the urge to obey the government, our families or our partner because we feel safe within this social boundaries but if we do not learn to say no, we will never be true individuals that can actually say or do something that can help make the culture better. We would just become part of the blind masses.

225px-Magritte_TheSonOfManIf culture is manufactured, why not make it ourselves?

Once we realize what culture is we can decide, independently, what benefits us, what benefits others and what is just plainly stupid. Remember, people live within culture because it is a shelter. Being independent means not being afraid to go into the wild and claim new lands for ourselves.

To be truly independent is to know that the way we act must be consciously chosen by ourselves. Our fears, our doubts and everything about us must be consciously analyzed to see if it is helping us or hindering us, this act must be constant. If there is anything inside us that is not pushing us forward, we must let it burn and create something new that sets new standards for living a better life.

You may meet with scorn, but scorn is just fear of the new, fear of the truly independent individual  that is not acted upon but that acts independently and that refreshes culture as a plant must be watered everyday.

That is the importance of learning to say no and becoming an individual.

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A stoic boldly leaps into life, he does not question himself wether to act or not, the decision has already been made, we want to help you become a stoic. Thanks for the support


Psychology, Stoic advise

Stoic advice for the Lobster king.

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Let’s talk about Jordan Peterson and his fascination with lobsters. I have to confess I read 12 Rules for Life in less than four days, it’s just amazing.

So, why lobsters?

In order to understand why, first we need to talk about hierarchies. What is a hierarchie? according to the urban dictionary: a system or organization in which people or groups are ranked one above the other according to status or authorities.

Lobsters have been in the planet for a while, and when I say a while I’m saying before the dinosaurs, they are old, old beings. What caught Peterson’s attention so much was that lobsters arrange their societies with hierarchies.

Lobsters live deep in the ocean, right at the bottom.

They also shed their carcases several times during their lives and live with soft skin for a while, so during those times they need shelter. Shelter allows the lobster to grow a new carcass and be safe from other predators. Shelter however are on demand in the lobster world and so the lobsters have to fight for them. This is how the hierarchy starts. Whenever two lobster find themselves fighting for a shelter, several things happen. They encounter each other and measure each other out to see who’s better suited to keep the shelter. Some chemicals are thrown at each other and they can know because of the chemicals: size, mood and other factors to take into consideration. If they decide to fight, it becomes a life or dead challenge, so they measure each other out just to be sure they are not making a wrong decision. This is how the hierarchy is built.

There are stronger lobsters that get the best shelters and also they get all the lobster girls as they offer shelter and show that they are better suited to procreate. What is bloody interesting is that the same substances that flow through the lobster’s nervous system, tumblr_neyqf51MMC1qmbg8bo1_500.pngflow as well in ours. When a  lobsters wins, serotonin flows and it makes itself bigger, demonstrating his superiority. When a lobsters loses, it makes itself little and therefore lower in the hierarchie.

Interesting isn’t it? There’s more. Pareto’s law states for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. In lobster world this means that 20% of the lobsters get the better shelters and so the hierarchy its triangular. Sounds familiar doesn’t it?

We cannot fight the hierarchie, it something deep in our core. The lower people (or lobsters) are in the hierarchie, the more stressed and tired they are. It’s like being in a state of emergency the entire time. The rich get richer and the poor poorer.

This are strong news, there is nothing that can be done about the hierarchie, it is how we are structured. We have to play within it, there is no “outside” it is deep in our brains.

What can we do about it? I’m glad you asked, because as a stoic, there is a lot you and me can do.

Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, cropped-cropped-marcus-aurelious-head.jpgand endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” – Marcus Aurelius

A stoic is perfectly fit for the top of thehierarchie. He is calmed and controlled. When danger or anything comes, a collected man is who we want to be our leader.

Courage, cheerfulness, inner joy. Does are the attributes of a stoic and paradoxically of the top leaders of the world. Tolerance to ambiguity and calmness define our hierarchies.

Stand up straight and with your shoulders back, that is peterson’s advice. Doing this automatically releases serotonin in ourselves and makes us lobster king immediately.

I have been watching people the whole day, thinking about this. It is true, try it yourself and you’ll notice. I was a bit weary about the whole thing, I mean, it is quite savage. Then I started thinking about everyone with more compassion, I mean, everyone is having a hard time. If you are feeling stressed, remember the stoic teachings, control what is in your control and slowly, but surely, you’ll rise like the sun.

If you are at the top, you have to be strong for others. You become literally the leader of humankind. Top lobsters can be tyrannic or benevolent but I’m sure that being at the top must be a place of courage, of cheerfulness and inner power. The top must be the example for everyone, this gives meaning to life.chess-1

Looking at your fellow human beings and knowing that everyone’s managing as best as they can, it is our duty to do as best as we can.

Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Live stoically.


Psychology, Uncategorized

The Shadow

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I want to be honest here and speak from experience so I’ll explain to you my perspective on what the shadow is and why it is the single most important part of ourselves if our goal is to grow and become complete human beings.

The shadow is everything in yourself that you are not aware of.

It is no easy work, making the unconscious, conscious.

The shadow manifests itself every time someone makes you feel angry, every time you feel jealous, everytime you see someone and become enraged. That is your shadow, all that bad feeling is something in yourself that you don’t like and hide (you don’t accept it), so it becomes tense inside and knots form in the belly, stress builds and the shadow grows.

Have you ever seen a movie about war or just about criminals and feel a sick sympathy for the bad guy? We all have, at least in some personal way. This is the shadow.

However, everytime we see some good or worthy action, the shadow is that as well, you see, the shadow is not something good or bad, it is just a part of our psyche.

We go through the world managing as best as we can, in order for us to do that we have to learn, and when we are young we learn a lot, and fast.

Just imagine the fact that for the first 10 years of our lives we need our mothers to take care of us. What happens is that we become cultured creatures. We need to cope with society to survive. When you are little you don’t know much things so you look outside and try stuff out to explore terrain. Exploring makes us conscious of what can be called good or bad, at least in your world.

Maybe you liked to scream, but you tested your screaming ( maybe a singing calling) and got punished by it, so you suppressed and repressed that urge. Maybe you liked to kick your brother, and then you learnt that it was not a very good idea as he is much older and bigger than you.

So, as you move through the world you experience stuff and that stuff makes you learn what is good and what is bad. This is all very subjective and can be just plain wrong. This is how our shadows formed. Things happen in our life and we learn it to be good or bad depending on how it is presented to us and we act upon what we think is correct. If you were born in a family of doctors, you learnt that you learnt that “success” is dependant on whether or not you become a doctor.

One example in my family is, now that I remember, nobody could have something, that the whole family didn’t have. Say, if we were going for ice cream, everybody should have ice cream.  That seems pretty normal, but what happens when you take that idea to the world outside your family?

What I saw is that I lost my ability to be egoistic at times, and I tried to hide my hard earned stuff, pleasing others all the time and feeling guilty when someone else is not enjoying what I am enjoying, that is not right, but then again, when I think about it, is not something bad, it just is and what would be truly bad is myself not being conscious about it.

Every shadow is different, our experiences mold us into what we are now, and if we do not know how is it that we operate we will just keep operating the same way through our whole lives. Most of our actions are unconscious, so most of our actions happen in the shadow realm.

Not every part of the shadow functions against us. When we become conscious about our shadows, they actually become jewels.

But first I need to talk about the phenomenon of the ego.

Our ego is constantly trying to maintain its image.

I is is basically not completely ours as well. It is just the recollection of the rewards and punishments we got as we grew up. It’s what the world outside told us what we were supposed to be and we, subjectively interpreted and acted upon.

Maybe we were rewarded for being nice to people as my case is, maybe we were punished for being greedy as kids or maybe we were rewarded for humility.

All of these manifests in the ego and becomes our way to function in life. This is just bloody interesting because you see, maybe we want to be rich, but for example in my case, if i would get to rich I would feel too guilty and therefore maintain my economical status thinking that i don’t deserve as much because I’m praising my humility and therefore protecting my ego (leaving me in the same place).

Maybe you are a great public speaker but you were told that being quite is what is nice so you don’t really exploit that attitude. Our ego and our sense of self, is not our true personality, in all ways it functions more like a prison, a prison of belief to which we are nervously  attached to because we don’t know any better.

But there is a way out and that is attention.

When you see a movie and you feel good about someone, what do you feel good about? Maybe gladiator, what do you find great about the character? His courage? His family values? His indifference to carnage? Or a villain, the joker, for example, many people feel sympathy for him, maybe you like that he laughs at danger or that he literally burns money just to show that evil is what moves him. Maybe you like his lack of empathy and whatever else.

This is called projection. Everything I just mentioned you yourself are, everything you like about the villain or the hero, you yourself have. You see every person sees something different. We see our abilities and values in the character we admire. They might not be pretty but they are there. We are villains and we are heroes inside, we are not just one united being, there is evil, and there is good within us. You don’t want to suppress evil, as evil has , many gifts, wouldn’t you like to have all that you admire in the villain and use it for good? I certainly as jung famously said, dont want to be a “good man” I want to be complete and I want to be great.

Your ego imprisons you, you don’t need to act as what the image of yourself tells you, you can act from value, which is hidden inside you.

In the shadows, projection helps us figure out what our potential is and what is it that we value the most.

We can use projections to define our strengths and values but we are not all strength and power. We are also weak and pitiful. Projections works just the same, when someone disgusts you, a poor men, or some fat guy eating kfc puring ranch over it, think deeper, we see in others what we admire or hate about ourselves.  We do not see them objectively, but quite subjectively. This happens everytime we get angry and blame someone else of something, when we are not doing well in business, when we feel jealous. Every Time we are being a “victim” we are protecting our ego, projecting our insufficiency and incapacities into someone else. But neglecting this part of ourselves is neglecting our shadow and if we don’t attend this injuries sooner or later, they become big and scary and manifest in our lives in one way or another. Be careful with what you criticize and what you are a “victim” of, for those are the areas you need to work the most in.

This is not “bad” it just is, it is the ying yang we carry in us, as the whole existence does.

There is a scene in the dark knight, were the joker has the chance to kill batman, he has a knife in his throat. Batman tells the joker to kill him, but the joker says, no no no no, you see batty, you complete me.

This tension is what makes life possible, we cannot neglect our disgusting side as it shows us what our inner hero need to work in, our dark side gives something to fight with and our bright side gives us something to fight for and realizing that the two are essential for you to be complete, is transcendance.

This realization makes you understand your suffering, and understanding and acceptance it what makes us transcend it.

nothing in yourself is to be neglected, attention and acceptance is our duty if we are to become complete and individual human beings.

This is why this journey is imperative for everyman to become a man, a complete man.

Psychology, Reflections, Short mornings, Stoic advise, Uncategorized

Stoicism, the right way.

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Why do some things affect us more than others? A friend of mine once told me that the things that affect us emotionally the most, are the parts of ourselves that we need to work  the most on ourselves as there is something unresolved within us in that specific area.hydra

Unconsciously we want  and maintain behaviors in real life that consciously we deny or hate. It can be anything, maybe you hate your job, and you know what you have to do to get a better one or to start one yourself, but you don’t. Unconsciously you are looking for something there, maybe protection. Many of the situations in our lives are because of this, fears that we don’t even know are there. I had one of these experiences today as I woke up and I can tell you friend that the unconscious is real, very, very real.

I have used stoicism to make my life better, and it has become better in many ways.

Stoicism makes you a person of grit, but today I had a realization that took my understanding of stoicism a bit deeper.light_in_dark

Stoicism can help you deal with all of  your problems. It helps you transcend them and transendance of oneself and obstacles most be stoicism’s aim.

Because, it can be used incorrectly.

How? Let’s suppose that you are in a situation in your life that you personally don’t like or that you like but that you don’t really know the why of it.

It can be your work, you fill pissed about it, but you don’t do anything to change it. We can make excuses and rationalize that we are too tired to do something else in the day, but, unconsciously, maybe that’s just what we want (feeling protected and not being responsibles for ourselves, just blaming everything but oursleves).

Maybe we just want protection from the world and we take the job and the boss as a father, just changing some figures for others, as long as it fills the role hey.

Maybe it’s something that we like, like, commonly , a romantic relationship, and you love it. Because, consciously we justify it with feelings of “love” but maybe unconsciously we want another figure, some oedipus complex (our mother role), I know it sounds weird but you are looking for the role to be filled, nothing else. Love most come from yourself, if we demand it, we are not really in love, we just want something. 

So, you and me need to figure out what is happening, and make the unconscious, tumblr_neyqf51MMC1qmbg8bo1_500conscious. Face our fears, our inner fears and our core fears so we can transcende them.

Stoicism however can be understood in many forms, think about it, it can be counter beneficial for you, if we use it to justify our actions based on fear, thinking that we are acting courageously (like enduring the job or painful relationship).

When it comes to make the decision to live courageously it means that we are acting from love, form amor fati. Fear and Amor fati are two very different things. If we, however  act from fear deep inside, like not pushing for a better job or not being as great as we can be, we are acting from fear.

If we stoically support our fears and live despicable lives because we do not consciously know what we are doing, we are using stoicism wrong, in fact, it is not stoicism, it is just a justification to keep on the petty behavior.

Stoicism acts from love and courage and most of the time we think that there are challenges outside ourselves, but no. They are never outside, remember what is it that we have control over, ourselves. We must face our inner fears and understand ourselves truly if we want to be truly stoic. We cannot have fear inside and courage outside, that’s just simply not stoicism.

We must have courage to live truly inside and outside. Pay very close attention to yourself, what you are doing in life and ask questions, whether stoicism is a deep core philosophy in yourself or just a facade to hide your inner child.

I wish you all the courage and greatness of a proud warrior friend.

Good morning

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A stoic boldly leaps into life, he does not question himself wether to act or not, the decision has already been made, we want to help you become a stoic. Thanks for the support


Psychology, Reflections

Heaven and Hell

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Have you ever had one of those days, maybe a sunday, where “chilling” just doesn’t feels right?

I guess I’m having one of those days today, so I want to make this quick, so I’ll set the timer for 10 minutes and see what comes out of this rewarding act of writing my chaotic head into order, praised order.

Set it for 15, the dark knights soundtrack playing as I write this, it makes this painfully beautiful. As I was scrolling youtube earlier I stumbled upon the exercise of heaven and hell thinking. I really did not wanted to do the exercise because, when I happen to be in that state (a state of unneeded “relaxation”) I think I am in fear mode, not doing what I know I could be doing, everybody knows, what would makes us the happiest, and the most fulfilled, but at least on my side, when I’m in that state, I fear that even though I put myself up to work, I will still be unsuccessful because of just bad luck( stupid justification) But man, what a cheap way of thinking, pitiful.

Thank god for the opportunity to redeem yourself at every moment, the act of repentance is beautiful, it is the start of change, I shall grab it as best I can. Repentance of what? Repentance of not fulfilling your potential, your ideal, the best damn thing you could strive to be. I just got chills thinking that way, and so it is, that writing it saved me from complacency, it always works.

Just before I started to write this, I made the exercise about heaven and hell. The exercise consists of figuring out your personal hell, the absolute worst that could happen in your life, if everything went bad, if nothing went the way you wanted, but also, more than you could imagine bad would happen, what would it be like? Hell itself, I believe the world isn’t strong enough to describe or evoke the emotion of just how absolutely terrible life can be, just hellish and miserable. I encourage you my friend to do that, write it down, it is a superb exercise for setting context.

Then, think about heaven, your personal heaven. What would it be like? What would your life look like if everything was just great, how would your character be? Where would you live? Would you smile more? Everything that can be better, how could you do it? Maybe we could imagine being the person that helps the children that don’t know any better, maybe we could help our father or our mother, emotionally or financially. We could be the light in the darkness. Life could be fantastic, health, honor and the feeling we experience every time we see a movie of war or acts of courage all the time. Tears of joy would fill our hearts everytime we see back and see all the beauty that we managed to create and give to others. Heaven, our own personal heavens achieved.

Those are the two alternatives we are faced with, but hey, we have power over what happens, we may not be able to stop luck from getting us good or bad, but we certainly have a lot of power to do so much good as we can, we make the ultimate sacrifice, we give it all, we fight for our ideal, and for what we think is right, and that is something definitely worth doing.

Socrates, when condemned to dead, had the opportunity to flee if he wanted. They offered him exile or dead, he chose dead. He listened to his inner critic, his daemon which he had been hearing his whole life, and doing just as the inner spirit said and when he was condemned he did just that. One last opportunity to confront what he knew was not right, and he met dead gracefully and ready.

The ultimate fear, dead itself, can be met gracefully and gratefully. The decision remains ours, heaven and hell, in the last instance, is a personal choice composed of many choices, and we choose where to live.

Choose wisely.

I want to leave with a though in mind, for another ocassion, all these reflection and action, started in hell, now I’m starting to rise, so, there cannot be heaven without hell, just something to think about.

Psychology, Short mornings

10 minutes, BEGIN

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29198Writting is a wonderful thing, it’s the materalization of speech, speech is what god used to create the earth and all the living things in it, so speech is good. Writting crystalizes the thoughts that we have in our heads and sets order in the constant chaotic flux of ideas that inhabit our heads.

Everyday, I try to write in the mornings for 10 minutes and then start my day. It’s free writting, I can talk really about anything and am not constricted by anything, but today, today I lost all of my pens so I’m doing it right here, hey that is what a blog is for isn’t it, just for the world to see your thoughts.

A blog, if personal, is very intimate. Not a lot of readers come to read anyone’s blog and that is magical. Why do some persons feel attracted to other persons? what do we see hear or read in each other that makes us feel attracted towards them?

I believe we see ourselves in others, all the time. For the better and for the worst, you see, we do not really know anyone as well as we know ourselves and what we do is that we project what we like and what we don’t like of us in others.

Interesting thought isn’t it? I simply love that way of seeing, because it is practical. Do you remember the saying? “The best revenge is not being as the one that injured you”? Well it is precisely this, if we see something bad in someone, or worst, someone did something bad to us, that is a chance to go inside ourselves and see what needs to get some work done, it puts light in our own problems and mishandlings, and that way we can begin to fix them. We do not become what we hate , and that truly is the best revenge.

10 minutes are over, I’ll put this on the category of shot morning writtings. I appreciate the time you took to read this and wish you a terrific day friend.

Good Morning!