How to achieve emotional independence and independence

Has it ever happened to you that you’re very angry about something and then you hop in the car with someone, and just because of the angry vibe you radiate, the other person is a little too quiet? Then, out of nowhere, they say something that angers you and you can feel they are angry as well, you didn’t really do anything, but the angry vibe remembered them of something and now you’re bought angry, lovely.

I don’t believe a lot in the law of attraction. I find it hard to believe that if I imagine, with all my heart, an empty slot in the parking lot, I will find it, I just have to have faith. That part is hard to believe. But, emotionally speaking, the law of attraction is painfully real. You’ve seen it, think about it, I just gave you an example above.

What happens when you are in a damn good mood?

For me, if I get up early, then meditate, then read, then learn something new, then learn a new language, then write, then go for a run, then take a cold shower, then have a healthy breakfast, and finally! Coffee. BANG!

I’m in such a good mood, people around me can literally feel the heat of my good mood radiating in them, drop it like it’s hot. And their responses match my mood accordingly, with lots of smiles and jokes. The law of attraction, in this sense, is very real. Your inner world reflects your outer world.

This is not wu wu magic, it is basic psychology.

mirror neuron is a neuron that fires both when an animal acts and when the animal observes the same action performed by another. Thus, the neuron “mirrors” the behavior of the other, as though the observer were itself acting. Such neurons have been directly observed in human and primate species, and birds. (Wikipedia)

We are extremely complex creatures. Our eyes, can notice the subtleties of our faces on a level that we are not even aware of, we just get a “feeling” that something’s wrong or something is good. People (yourself included), get a feel of your emotional state, the moment they see you, and react accordingly.

Fascinating isn’t it?

Now, it’s easier to blame your emotional states on the external aspects of your life, such as people being angry or rude at you, or things not going the way you want them to be, or the fucking coronavirus, or losing your job, or being sick for 4 effin weeks (just now recovering), than it is to take responsibility for your own emotional state, regardless of the circumstance.

Letting your emotional state to be driven by the external circumstances happens almost automatically. It is really hard to even notice it is happening.

But the problem here is that by not doing anything, and by not taking control of it, and especially if you’re on a streak of bad luck, you’re just going to throw more wood to the fire of woe.

You need to cut the vicious cycle and realize that your emotional state cannot depend on what happens or doesn’t happen. It cannot depend on the girl or boy liking you or not liking you. It cannot depend on whether you’re sick or jobless or any other of the hard things that many, sadly, are facing right now.

You need to break the chains and become emotionally independent. This is how you break the cycle.

Easier said than done right? How the hell can you achieve this?

By focusing on what you can control. Do you recall the perfect day I just explained above? All of that, is, daily, within my own power to make it happen. What else is within my power?

How far can you go when you want to become emotionally independent?

Internalize your goals

“It is the power of the mind to be unconquerable.”
― Seneca

No matter how much you cry, no matter how much you lament, things that you don’t want to happen will still happen and will keep happening. So wishing away your woes won’t solve anything.

Your response towards them, however, is yours to make.

Make it a goal from now on, to internalize every situation that you wish to win.

Looking for a job? No one has given you a response in weeks? That means you’re losing, right? WRONG

Internalize the game and set the rules yourself. Now, instead of considering a win whether you get the job or nor, you’ll consider a win if you polish your CV until it is bloody perfect and beautiful, and when you write a cover letter that’ll make the person that reads it cry with tears of joy of knowing that a person like you exists in the world, and then, sending that CV and that cover letter a thousand times. That’s winning, by setting your own rules.

Not sure whether she or he likes you? Doesn’t matter. You’ll consider it a win if you approach the girl or boy and behave as lovely and emotionally independent as you can. If you attract, not pursue, you win.

Internalize everything. Set the rules of the games of your life and winning will always be within your grasp. Do you understand this? You can become a winner the entire bloody time!

This is, also, how you achieve emotional independence. By internalizing your goals and what you want out of life, you stop needing things happening or not happening, whatever happens, happens. That’s not for you to decide, but you don’t care either.

This lack of care, this freedom, will begin to look on your face. People around you will notice, unconsciously, but will definitely notice, and will begin treating you accordingly.

Paradoxically, you will begin to get the things that you wanted in the first place. For the reason that you are now working and giving the best out of yourself. Sure, it’ll be nice, but what’s even nicer is that you’re no longer be dependent on them, as you’ll be independent and free. And that my friend, is damn beautiful. The rewards are not the things that you can get, but the person that you can become.

Thanks for reading,


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  1. “It is the power of the mind to be unconquerable.”
    ― Seneca
    Beautifully written, and the explanation is great, Thank You for the knowledge. I really like this phrase from Seneca.

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