But the fact is, the same thing is advantageous to me which is advantageous to you; for I am not your friend unless whatever is at issue concerning you is my concern also. Friendship produces between us a partnership in all our interests. There is no such thing as good or bad fortune for the individual; we live in common. And no one can live happily who has regard to himself alone and transforms everything into a question of his own utility; you must live for your neighbour, if you would live for yourself. Seneca
There is a term in the business world called: Solution selling.
Solution selling basically consists of concentrating your efforts and your capacities on the problems that the enterprise is going through and solve them. It can be slow sales to give or a new and more efficient management. By doing this you are not selling yourself and your amazing smile but an actual solution to an actual problem, needless to say, this strategy is highly valuable and will land you a job or a promotion more often than not.
Why do they need you in the job in the first place?
They need you to solve their problems, they need you to be a solution, not a problem.
Let me tell you a little secret.
This strategy not only works in business, but this is also true for every social relationship you have.
And no one can live happily who has regard to himself alone and transforms everything into a question of his own utility; you must live for your neighbour, if you would live for yourself. Seneca
What really matters in the end, genuine value
If you’ve been following the blog, you are probably by now really acquainted with Memento Mori. Death sets things in perspective, her cold silence speaks to you quite loudly about what you truly found meaningful and important at the end of all things.
When I look upon the tombs of the great, every emotion of envy dies in me; when I read the epitaphs of the beautiful, every inordinate desire goes out; when I meet with the grief of parents upon a tombstone, my heart melts with compassion; when I see the tomb of the parents themselves, I consider the vanity of grieving for those whom we must quickly follow: when I see kings lying by those who deposed them, I consider rival wits placed side by side, or the holy men that divided the world with their contests and disputes, I reflect with sorrow and astonishment on the little competitions, factions, and debates of mankind. When I read the several dates of the tombs, of some that died yesterday, and some six hundred years ago, I consider that great Day when we shall all of us be Contemporaries, and make our appearance together. Joseph Addison
One common trait I believe we all share when thinking about dead is a spontaneous feeling of love and yearning to share more.
And what did he leave? He asked.
He left it all, she answered.
You cannot give anything unless you are well taken care of yourself first.
You may think you are a grown adult, but, admit it, sometimes you act like a child, I certainly act like a child sometimes. One example is when you are mad at something not going your way or a person not acting as you wish. You become mad and angry about things not going precisely as you want in life.
If your self-worth and emotional stability change every time something outside yourself affects you, you are being emotional dependant.
Your emotional well-being dependant on things outside your control? Terrible sin.
We may think that we cannot be happy unless everything is going fine, but that way of thinking is a terribly wrong approach. Every time you think the problem is outside yourself, that thought right there is the problem.
The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed. Epictetus
Independence is free. Independence is a choice.
He who knows that power
is inborn, that he is weak because he has looked for good out of him and
elsewhere, and so perceiving, throws himself unhesitatingly on his thought,
instantly rights himself, stands in the erect position, commands his limbs,
works miracles; just as a man who stands on his feet is stronger than a man
who stands on his head. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Once you know this basic truth, you are prepared to go to the next big thinking shift.
Gratefulness is one of the most powerful values.
Gratitude makes you feel good.
It changes your focus from what you don’t have to what you do have. When you are grateful you open yourself up to share, whereas when you are ungrateful you close up by concentrating on what you lack.
When you are just thinking in your own utility, only on what you can get, you become blind to the needs of the others and less able to help them in their lives and thus less valuable.
The hungry don’t get fed
Open your eyes.
When you are grateful, the world opens, your view changes radically. When your needs are met, you can prepare yourself to give, it is only from this genuine place that you can truly give.
Now you become able to actually understand other people and to think not in “me” terms but in the subjective experience of the other person.
By doing this you become able to offer and share solutions to their problems and become the most valuable person to them.
Finally, think win-win. If you provide value, you will get value back, it’s how life works. People will open up to you and you to them, the paradigm will change into sharing, and this is in your power.
Know this truth. When you help other people, you are actually helping yourself. The more you give the more you get.
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